I would like to thank my colleagues who have assisted me with my Mother of Bride blogs.
• One is a celebrant, and
• The other is Mother of the Bride - and her daughter will be getting married in New Zealand in July
The Mother of Bride does have plenty of duties before the wedding as well as on THE DAY, which give many opportunities for quality time between mum and daughter.
The Mother of the Bride should help the Bride and Groom to scout out places for the ceremony and the venue for the reception. My celebrant colleague suggests that Mother of the Brides should encourage the choice of a venue that is considerate to guest of all ages, not half way up a mountain as she has experienced.
Outdoor weddings will mean that the bride, MOB, bridesmaids and guests will need to think about their shoes. Wedge heels are ideal, and you can get plastic caps for heels to stop them sinking into the turf or sand that you can take off for the evening function.
Choice of reception venue includes consideration of the food and drink. Quality, quantity and ethnic traditions should be considered bearing in mind the nature of the guests. It is alleged that English rugby fans may require quite a lot of beer at the reception.
Checking out venues in NZ has given the Mother of the Bride and Father of the Bride a lovely opportunity to spend time with the bride and groom. This will include thinking about how the bridal party and guests will get to and from the reception. In my NZ case the bride and Father of the Bride are going to arrive by helicopter!!
The Mother of the Bride and Father of the Bride should meet with the Mother of the Groom and Father of the Groom to talk about the size and contents of the guest lists. Final decisions on this matter do, of course, depend on who is paying for the wedding!
The MOB should also help to research any family or ethnic traditions that could and should be incorporated into the wedding, like both parents escorting the bride 'down the aisle', which is a Jewish tradition, but widely used at non-Jewish weddings these days. There are other pleasant ways to involve both sets of parents in the ceremony, like lighting a candle each.
It is also great if the Mother of the Bride can shop with the bride to help her to choose her wedding dress, shoes, trousseau, gifts for the bridesmaids etc. In choosing the Mother of the Bride outfit the bride is the boss, and the main rules are for the Mother of the Bride and Mother of the Groom not to clash or blend with the bridal party. This can mean not wearing white, cream or champagne, unless it is a Chinese wedding when the bride will wear red, or other Asian weddings when the bride may wear red and white. So, the outfits of the MOB and the Mother of the Groom should complement not compete with the bride.
The Mother of the Bride should help the bride with organising the logistics of the day including practices. This can include practicing hair and make up for the bride, bridesmaids and Mother of the Bride.
One of the duties of the Mother of the Bride is to carry enough tissues for the entire bridal party, and to insist on waterproof mascara for everyone!
On the day, the MOB needs to keep an eye on the Father of the Bride if he is going to make a speech and make sure he isn't getting nervous and drinking too much.
The MOB’s duty is to host the reception and be the first in the receiving line. She should also check that the venue has been set up as requested while the photos are being taken, and make sure the guests are happy while waiting for the arrival of the bride and groom.
If there are step parents it is the duty of the Mother of the Bride to ensure that they are all looked after and that no old enmities surface with alcohol and wreck the day.
Hopefully in future we will have weddings in Australia that involve two Mother of the Brides or two Mother of the Grooms which may necessitate a bit of a rethink of some of the etiquette, but the benefit of having a celebrant is that you can help in designing a unique and joyful experience for all concerned.
More wedding tips, can be found here.